


Forgiveness is not Free

by itsyourgirlspooky



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Cussing, Doki Doki Literature Club! Spoilers, Female Friendship, Friendship, I'm Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 19:17:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14879642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsyourgirlspooky/pseuds/itsyourgirlspooky
Summary: In which Monika tries to fix everything but Natsuki has had enough.





	Forgiveness is not Free

"Natsuki?"

The brunette looks over at the petite girl standing across from her. There's nothing but darkness surrounding them; she can't really see the teen very well, can't get an idea of what's on her mind. Monika thinks that she should code in some lighting, just something so she could make out the other's face. Give herself some sort of sign on what's to come.

"Monika." The green-eyed girl can hear footsteps resonate throughout the empty space, even if they're technically suspended in mid-air. She can now somewhat make out Natsuki's small frame, pink eyes twinkling with a blank expression.

"I-"

"You." Natsuki's face has lost all its cool. It's scrunched up now, much like a crumpled up ball of paper. The twinkle in her eyes weren't of happiness, Monika realized. It was more of a ticking time bomb, almost ready to set off an explosion, though she was unsure of what emotion. "You... you.."

"Natsuki?" Monika whispers again, voice ladened with relief. There's tears brimming in the corner of her eyes and God, she feels like crying right then and there. She's ready to just run over and give the short girl the biggest bear hug she could ever give. She misses them all so, so much. She can't understand why she had even deleted them all in the first place, for a reason as flimsy as love, or more accurately, fake love. She didn't know that back then, when she'd jealously watch the other girls have their happy ending with them, she'd already found love. It's more of a platonic kind, but it was love nonetheless. It was love from her clubmates, her closest friends. It had been there from the very start, even if it had all been scripted, yet she'd thrown it away without a second thought. Now, at that very moment, it's her chance to repair all she's broken, starting with the younger tsundere.

"You monster." 

Monika's gaze falls. Her breathing is speeding up ever so slightly, the gravity of Natsuki's words weighing down on her consciousness. Did she... did she.... really mess up that badly?

"Y-you.... you.... monster!" Natsuki's voice booms loudly, causing Monika to flinch. Her breathing becomes shallower and shallower, heart pounding against her ribcage like a bird flinging itself at a window. Oh no, oh no, oh no! She has completely screwed things over, hasn't she? Has she truly hurt these girls that badly?

"Natsuki, I-"

"No." Natsuki's tone is flat, commanding. Monika doesn't normally get scared by her, especially with the 'I'm not cute!' facade she puts up despite being, well, cute. But Monika can't help but feel like cowering under the other's piercing glare. It's burning with the flames of a fiery passion, one that has roots in the roaring rage inside of her. It hurts Monika deeply that she's the cause of all the poor girl's pent up anger, so she can't stop herself from letting out a tiny whimper, both out of fear and regret. 

"Don't you dare say another word. Not... not until I'm finished." Natsuki takes in a deep breath, lifting her chin up as if she were trying to assert dominance over the taller teen. Her brows are practically knitted together into a face Monika imagines Natsuki reserves for those who has done her very, very wrong. 

"You, Monika," Natsuki begins, spitting the words out of her mouth like they were something foul, a poison. Her hands are on her hips, forming halfway fists clenched together tightly. "You have done what can never be undone. Something... something horrible. Something that will forever ruin our lives." 

Monika, about to defend herself, takes in a nervous gulp, but Natsuki doesn't stop there. If anything, she's just getting started, judging from the way her eyes narrow so much that they seem more like angry, dark slits.

"You, out of jealousy for some stupid boy, thought that deleting your friends would be the best solution. That fucking up our lives beyond the limit would land you the boy of your dreams. A glimpse of the real world is more important than we are, huh? Right, Monika?" 

Natsuki shudders, taking in another breath and shutting her eyes close. Monika takes it as a cue to try and comfort the pink-haired girl, but before she can even reach her hand out, her eyes suddenly snap open. Fury was clear in those brightly colored eyes and Monika knows that her little speech is far from over.

"Is it now, Monika? Answer me." 

Said girl nervously bites down on her bottom lip, lost in a dizzying jumble of thoughts. She doesn't know what to say, what to do. 

"Hmphm. Nothing to say. Typical of you, Monika. No wonder there's no fights only when Sayori's around. She actually cares about her friends, unlike you. It all doesn't matter as long as you get closer to him, as long as you finally reach the real world, right?"

Emotion gnaws at Monika's heart, millions of regretful thoughts clogging her brain. The only thought she can comprehend out of all them is 'I need to fix everything'. Monika certainly wants to, she desperately does, but Natsuki's not letting her in, not letting her to at least try. She's not being given a second chance. 

"Monika, I hope you're happy with all you've done. He may be gone now, but you've had your taste. It's over, Monika. We're no longer friends. Fuck, have we been friends? Or am I just some random numbers and letters to you? Are Yuri and Sayori the same to you, too? A bunch of playthings, stepping stones to reach your own selfish wants? I bet so." 

"Nat, please-"

"Don't 'Nat' me, Monika. There's nothing left to be said. It's done means it's done. I'm leaving. Now." 

Natsuki grinds down on her teeth, fierce expression not leaving her face even once. An uncomfortable silence has settled in the space between them and Monika can only look over at the other girl with sorrowful eyes. Then Natsuki's turning around, swinging her arms back and forth like an army general. 

Monika immediately panics at that. God, she's actually leaving. Monika can't just let this slip past. She needs to say sorry, say something that shows that she really does regret everything's she's ever done to them. This is her only chance. She has no idea where Natsuki is heading to, let alone where the other girls are! She must apologize, and now. 

"Nat, I'm sorry. So sorry. I know you're probably not listening, but I'm sorry. Tell Yuri and Sayori, please, Nat. I do regret everything, all the pain I made you all endure. I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't fix anything, Monika." 

Natsuki has stopped walking; the sound of footsteps hitting nothing has ceased. She's just standing there, body as still as a statue. Unsaid words are hanging in the air, and surprisingly enough, Monika manages to muster up the courage to speak again. 

"I-It hurts too, Nat. For me, not just for you and Yuri and Sayori. It hurts me that I made you all feel this way. I was selfish, wasn't I? So, so selfish. I was blinded by obsession so badly I couldn't see that all along, I already had everything I could've ever asked for. It's you, Nat. It's you, Yuri and Sayori. You three are everything I'll ever need. I don't want to finally be a part of their reality. I want to be friends with all of you again. I want it to be us four." 

Natsuki laughs. It's not a jeering or cheery one, however. It's the bitter kind, the kind that screams anything but joy. 

"Tell me, Monika. I know you regret everything right now, but how about before? When Sayori put that rope around her neck? When Yuri stabbed herself? When.... when... I tried to help them, but you didn't let me because I got in the way of your plans? Do you really regret it all, Monika? Or is it that you're only running back to us because he didn't want you?"

Monika is shocked, speechless even. She's basically rendered useless, left to nothing but a gaping mouth and a miserable look. Natsuki scoffs at the girl's silence. 

"Don't just fucking think that because you've restored us, we're suddenly all friends again. It's not as easy as that."

"I-I do know, Nat! I know it's hard, but please, don't just shut me out like this! Just give me a chance to redeem myself! At least let me try! Nat, please, I need this. I can't forgive myself if I let you just walk away when I know I can help. We all can heal together. As friends." 

Monika's pleading at this point. She has to be with them. She simply must. She feels so guilty, so dirty of all the sins she's committed, that being a better friend seems to be the only way she can make it up to them. But, it's impossible if they won't even let her attempt to do so. Natsuki's the only one out of the two who most likely knows where Yuri and Sayori are. If she can't convince her, then Monika's done for. There's no other chance. 

"No. Means. No!" 

Natsuki whips around, outrage clearly written over her features. Her eyes are so wide that Monika actually dreads the possibility that they might pop out from their sockets. She's trembling, body shaking along with her small, fragile face. She looks like she's about to cry, with how red her face is. Yet, there's something about her entire demeanor that Monika can't help but think of her as being livid, so gosh darn livid. Monika's about to say more but Natsuki's quick enough to cut her off. 

"Why can't you just listen? I'm not about to give you another chance, Monika! After all the shit you put us through, you really think I'll just let you waltz into our lives like nothing happened? No, I won't. You've fucked with Yuri and Sayori enough. Just because you decided to go easy on me with all your stupid pity for my sorry excuse of a family doesn't mean that I'll do the same for you. Get that through your thick skull, bitch! You tortured them, tortured me, too! We had to go to hell and back! You may feel pain, but it's nothing compared to ours. We all cried so damn much, Monika. And it's all because of you! You caused all the suffering we had to go through! You fucking betrayed us! I thought you were my friend, Monika! My. Friend!" 

Natsuki's crying, hot tears streaming down warm cheeks. Breathing seems to becoming even harder for the teen, with how her chest heaves up and down so swiftly. It seems that she wants to say more, but all she's able to do is choke on the words she wants to scream out. Monika's walking over to the girl to offer a consoling hug, but stops the moment Natsuki starts staring daggers through her ugly sobs.

"D-don't you fucking dare touch me, Yuri or S-Sayori. You've done so much with only your shitty admin privilege. I'm sure you'll only cause bigger horrors if you put a single finger on us. Listen to me, Monika, because this is final. We are no longer friends. It's not the four of us anymore. It's three and one. You will leave me and the others alone. We will never talk, meet or see each other again. We. Are. Over."

And then Natsuki's shuffling away, muffled wails echoing through the void. Monika can only stand there, a dumbstruck expression plastered onto her face. Slowly, practically on impulse, she outstretches her hand into nothingness even if she knows Natsuki won't ever look back, won't suddenly run, won't take her hand and say it's all going to be okay again. Monika feels crushed by the turn of events, but in the end, she's really only got herself to blame. 

So, it's no wonder she spends the rest of her lonely days silently doing just that.

**Author's Note:**

> As you can see, this highkey sucked. Hopefully, it still suffices and y'all stI'll enjoyed. 
> 
> Constructive criticism is mighty appreciated!


End file.
